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Is Being Yourself Making It Harder to Lead? | The Clarity Practice

Written by Gary McRae | 9 Oct, 2025 9:05:42 AM

Countless individuals have embraced the mantra of leadership: be yourself, always and without apology. But this philosophy can sometimes lead to unexpected and dramatic consequences.

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The new HBR article, "When Authentic Leadership Backfires," adapted from Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic's forthcoming book Don't Be Yourself, exposes this head-on: authenticity alone isn't enough — it can even be detrimental.

The article and research suggest that authentic leadership demands adaptive authenticity. The art of flexing your expression (not faking your essence). It's about choosing which parts of "you" to let live and how to deliver them, according to context, stakes, and audiences.

 

The Paradox: Authenticity as a Double-Edged Sword

Let's be clear: "authenticity" isn't a lie or a bad thing; it's just misunderstood. I was once told by a peer that people who don't know me often misunderstand me

On one hand, research shows authentic leadership can boost job satisfaction, engagement, commitment, and creativity.

On the other hand, leaders who rigidly "stay true to themselves" can run into relational friction, alienate stakeholders, or appear tone-deaf. That's the "backfire" Chamorro-Premuzic warns against.

A recent article in Authentic Leadership – for Better and for Worse? Examines exactly this tension: positive outcomes often depend on context, follower reactions, and leader self-regulation.

Authenticity isn't inherently good or bad; it's a capability that can be applied in various ways. The question: Will you treat it as a blunt tool or a precision instrument?

 

Adaptive Authenticity: What It Means

"Adaptive authenticity" refers to showcasing the aspects of yourself that foster connection, trust, clarity, and impact, while tempering the rest.

It's not about being someone else. It's about being you, with intention.

Here are its features:

  • Core integrity stays constant: your values, beliefs, and moral boundaries don't vanish.
  • Expression adapts: tone, depth, disclosure, framing, and emotion can shift.
  • Audience and context matter: you read cues and flex accordingly.
  • Feedback is data: you test, you adjust, you learn.

In leadership terms, adaptive authenticity sits at the intersection of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and relational agility.

It's also a concept strongly aligned with adaptive leadership theory, which argues that leaders and followers co-construct solutions, adjusting roles and behaviors as situations change (rather than sticking to a fixed "style").

Recent work also offers a tool, the Adaptive Leadership Behavior Scale (ALBS), identifying four dimensions:

The ALBS captures four dimensions:

  1. Perceiving situational demands (reading cues)
  2. Maintaining a toolbox of strategies (behavioral repertoire)
  3. Balancing opposing demands
  4. Applying behaviors flexibly & appropriately

Those dimensions match well with what I call "flex, not fake."

 

What "Flex, Not Fake" Looks Like — Micro Behaviors

Here are small but powerful shifts you can try this week. These are the real levers of change.

  1. Pause before reacting: When you feel the urge to "say it straight," pause one breath. Ask: "Is this about me or about what's needed here?"
  2. Name emotion with restraint: Instead of delivering the full emotional wave, say: "I'm frustrated by how this is moving" rather than letting frustration color every sentence.
  3. Reframe from "I" to "We": Instead of "I see a problem here," try "We may be misaligned on X." It softens defensiveness.
  4. Adjust the tone, not the message: Duplicate content can be delivered in a firm, gentle, curious, or bold manner. Practice the same point in three styles; see which lands best.
  5. Limit self-disclosure: Vulnerability is selective. Share what helps others understand your intent. Not every knot exists in your emotional fabric.
  6. Mirror energy: If someone is dialed back, tone yours down. If someone is animated, match (not overpower). It's about tuning, not mimicking.
  7. Debrief your impact: After meetings, mentally (or with a peer) ask: "Did what I said land how I meant it?" Use that as calibration data.

These behaviors are tangible. They don't demand total transformation overnight; instead, they encourage incremental experimentation and gradual change.

The Illusion of Being Yourself

Most leaders assume they're authentic, but what they call authentic is often just familiar. It's the comfort zone version of themselves: the style they've repeated so frequently it feels natural. The Leadership Circle Profile (LCP) reveals how that illusion plays out.

The LCP extends beyond personality or style. It measures the patterns that drive your behavior; the reactive loops, control impulses, and approval-seeking habits that can masquerade as authenticity.

It also maps the creative capacities that emerge when awareness grows: purpose, empathy, composure, and courage.

Seen through that lens, adaptive authenticity becomes more than good intent. It's a measurable shift from unconscious reaction to conscious expression.

Here's what that looks like inside the framework:

  • Authenticity: Not overexposure, but alignment. You reveal what serves trust and clarity, not what unloads emotion.
  • Self-Awareness: You can't flex what you can't see. This is the hinge that turns instinct into choice.
  • Interpersonal Intelligence: You read the room and adapt tone and energy without abandoning the message or values.
  • Courageous Authenticity: You choose timing and delivery as carefully as truth itself.
  • Composure: You stay composed, even in challenging situations. You express your feelings but do not reveal too much.

When leaders evolve across these dimensions, the change isn't about higher scores or better profiles. It shows up in impact and performance, balanced with well-being and authenticity.

Teams start to trust direction because the leader's tone is steady, not erratic. Conversations become clearer because intent aligns with delivery.

Decisions move faster because people aren't decoding mixed signals. Pressure moments stop draining energy because the leader holds ground without spilling stress into the room; that's the real outcome of adaptive authenticity: creating conditions where others think clearly, act faster, and bring their best work forward.

The illusion of authenticity gives way to something more solid, an integrated awareness.

That's what genuine authenticity looks like in practice: not raw self-expression, but skillful self-regulation rooted in purpose.

 

References

  1. Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (2025). When Authentic Leadership Backfires. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2025/10/when-authentic-leadership-backfires
  2. Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (Forthcoming, 2025). Don't Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead). Harvard Business Review Press. https://store.hbr.org/product/don-t-be-yourself-why-authenticity-is-overrated-and-what-to-do-instead/10753
  3. Nöthel, F., Steinmetz, H., & Rigotti, T. (2023). Development and validation of the Adaptive Leadership Behavior Scale (ALBS). Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1149371. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1149371/full
  4. Vogel, R. M., Reichard, R. J., Batistič, S., & Škerlavaj, M. (2024). Authentic Leadership – for Better and for Worse? A Daily Diary Study on the Role of Leader Well-Being and Consistency. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, 33(4), 555–572. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1359432X.2024.2361511